#2. How I Ended Up Here

If you listen to the lyrics of Jason Gray’s song “How I Ended Up Here,” you might think they sound kind of funny, or maybe even a little crazy.  But that’s been me for a long time!  I don’t think I’ve ever crouched behind a lobster tank before, but I’ve definitely hidden in grocery aisles, stayed in my car a lot longer than necessary, and screened plenty of phone calls.

But building walls doesn’t bring people closer to Jesus.  God has been tearing down a lot of walls in me lately, and it’s painful, but necessary.  I told Him about a year ago that I was ready to go wherever and do whatever He wanted me to.  I didn’t realize how much He was going to have to change in me before I could really be ready.  First came the realization that this was a problem, coupled with the knowledge that I must change, and then then, slowly but surely, the desire to change.

It’s been a pretty slow process.  I wish I could say I’m making faster progress.  But all of a sudden, I’m starting to see the fruits of change in my life.  If I look at where I was a year ago, or even a few months ago, I can see how far God has brought me from there.  I’ve had more opportunities recently to invest in people’s lives, and even though I’m not great at making small talk, or sometimes any talk at all, somehow God always helps me through it!  I don’t see it as a subject of pride at all.  I know any success at all is a direct result of God working through me, because I stink at it on my own.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

That doesn’t mean I haven’t also had some setbacks.  Right now I’m thinking about the couple I saw at the gas station last week who needed money.  I truthfully told them I didn’t have any cash, but I must admit I felt a sense of relief about it…Oh good, I actually didn’t have any cash, so I don’t need to feel guilty about not helping them.

As I drove away (without making eye contact) I found myself praying that God would send someone to help them and to show His love to them.  And then it hit me.  What if that person was supposed to me? 

Jesus probably didn’t carry a lot of cash when he was on earth, either.  But is that how he would have responded to someone in need?  I could have given them some change.  I could have swiped my card for them.  But most of all, I could have talked to them.  I could have shown them some of the same love that God has shown me.

I know it probably doesn’t do a lot of good to beat myself up about something I can’t undo.  But I can learn from this experience and hopefully respond in a more Christ like way next time.  This wasn’t the first time I’ve avoided talking to someone, and unfortunately, it may not be the last.  But I am grateful that God graciously continues to reveal my sin to me, and I’m thankful that for as many opportunities as I miss, He has enough faith in me to give me more chances to serve Him.  So I’m praying that God will keep on removing rubber bands and tearing down walls for His glory.