#7. No More Looking Back

I’m a sentimental person.  I keep cards, letters, ticket stubs, and even rocks that remind me of places I’ve been in the past.  But at times, I’ve spent too much time looking back, questioning and dwelling on things I can’t change.  I know that God uses our circumstances to grow us, change us, and make us more like Christ, but His intention isn’t for us to live in the past.  The past is over.  It’s done.  If God meant for us to continue in that same place, He would have kept us there.  If He’s called us out, it’s to move on to something better.  And we can’t reach those blessings unless we’re willing to let go of the past.

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, they grumbled because they missed the cucumbers, melons, and fish of Egypt (Numbers11:5).  If I were Moses, I probably would have said something like, “Oh, you miss the melons, do you?  What about the slavery, remember that?  Do you miss that, too?”  Only I’m not Moses.  I’m one of the Israelites, too often stuck in my own past.

It’s important to remember God’s past faithfulness and blessings.  He provided for the Israelites, even when they were enslaved in Egypt, and He’s blessed me in the past.  But remembering God’s past blessings shouldn’t bring sadness if He’s now chosen to take those things away (Job1:21).  It should instead bring encouragement that if God has been faithful in the past, He will continue to be faithful in the future (Philippians 1:6).

The Israelites didn’t have cucumbers and melon in the wilderness, but God did provide them with manna.  And they never could have made it to the Promised Land if they hadn’t left Egypt.

"If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back.  But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland.  That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them…

…It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger.  He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible."

-Hebrews 11:15-16, 27

God, help me to keep my eyes on You alone, because You hold my past, present, and future in Your hands.

#4. Remind Me Who I Am

After years of collecting and months of procrastinating, I have finally finished my first T-shirt quilt!    It’s very soft and cozy, but the best thing about it is that every shirt represents a memory—whether it’s a place we visited once on vacation, a yearly family event, or a reminder of a short-lived, just for funsies, moderately unsuccessful music career.

As I look at all of these shirts, they remind me of who I was then, and who I am now.  In some ways, I haven’t changed a whole lot; but in other ways, I’m a totally different person. 

This is the shirt I bought in high school when I spent 3 weeks in a summer program at Mizzou.  I wanted to be a veterinarian.  I changed my mind.

This is the shirt I designed for our dorm in college.  No, they’re not kissing lips…the shirt had Proverbs 31:26 on the back.

This was the first year I taught the Bible lessons at Junior Camp.  It was  also my favorite year, because I came up with the theme myself.  We talked about the names of God.

And these were from the summer that changed my life.

After my first year of teaching, I had left that job with plenty of time (I thought) to find another one.  I filled out so many applications, sent out so many letters.  I had interviews and even some offers, but I still had no idea where I was supposed to go or what I was supposed to do.  I was in waiting mode, but I didn’t want to waste the time.  So I called it my “Summer of Service”—kind of like Seinfeld’s “Summer of George,” but a little bit cooler, I thought.  ;-)  Junior Camp, VBS, mission trip to Chicago with the senior high youth group, and then senior high camp.  I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought that if I gave God my whole summer, then He might reward me with some amazing life guidance for my future.  It turns out, He did, but not in the way I expected.

I can’t really explain how God worked in my heart that summer, but it was the beginning of a new perspective for me.  My world had been so small before, and by working with some of the different ministries that we did in Chicago, I started to see the great lengths to which God will go to bring His lost children home.

I realized how limited I’d been in my search to find His purpose for me.   I wanted Him to tell me in which one of a few specific schools He wanted me to teach English.   I realized I needed to be willing to go wherever and do whatever He wanted me to do.  That thought was terrifying to me, but I knew it was right. 

At senior high camp, the theme was “Meant to Live.”   In our morning devotions, we looked at the lives of Jim Elliot, Pete Fleming, Ed McCully, Nate Saint, and Roger Youderian, missionaries killed in Ecuador who said, along with Paul, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:20-21).  I didn’t quite understand how a person could get to that point, but I knew I wanted to be there, so I made this during craft time and have kept it, more as a goal than anything else.

It’s been a slow process of change for me, but I can see evidence of God’s faithfulness over the years in my life and as I look at my quilt now.  I'm grateful that He continues to remind me who I am, because I can so easily forget.  It took seven years, but now I can confidently say that for me as well, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.”  I’m so ready to go home, but as long as I’m here, it means God has more work for me to do.  So I will keep trying to serve him the best that I can, and I’ll look forward to the next lesson He will teach me.  Maybe that lesson will come with a T-shirt, and maybe it won't...I'll just have to wait and see!