#23. If It's Heavy, Drop It.

David* shuffled up to our table, backpack on his back and a shopping bag in each hand, along with his sandwich.  His load was made more difficult by the bandage on his right hand, limiting the mobility in his fingers.

“Please, have a seat,” we said.

I went to get him a cup of water, as I could see that he’d already had enough to carry.  

When I returned, he was already in the midst of sharing his story with my friend—how he had essentially lost everything in his life except for what he carried with him in those bags.

“This is it, this is my life,” he said, pointing out his old military uniform.  

“You know, you don’t have to carry that burden on your own,” my friend said.  You can take it, take all of your problems, and put them at the foot of the cross.”

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

David’s eyes filled with tears, as if he wanted to believe that what she said could be true.  But he shook his head.  “No.  I can’t.”

We talked for quite a while that day, but at the end of the conversation, he picked up his bags again, and he left.  “Oof,” he grunted as he swung his backpack over his shoulder.  “It’s heavy.”

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

A few nights later, in a totally different part of the city, I stood waiting for some friends.  I looked around me, not sure from which direction they would come.  I saw a man with a bandaged hand, carrying two bags, walking toward me.

“David?” I asked.  

It was him.  He stopped and we talked.  His burden had only become heavier since the last time I saw him.  I asked him if he needed anything, some food or some money to pay for lodging that night.

“No, no,” he said.  “I found a good spot near the Métro; I’m on my way there now to meet a friend.”

While we were talking, another man came up and asked if we had any money so he could get a bite to eat.  I offered him some and, after he left, again asked David if there was some way I could help him.  

“No, there’s nothing,” he said.  He was convinced that it was up to him to resolve his problems on his own, even though he had no idea how he was going to do it.

I let him know I’d be praying for him anyway, and he picked up his bags and left, saying he hoped we’d cross paths again someday.

I hope so, too.  I hope that the next time I see him, he’ll have some good news to share.  I hope that the next time I see him, he’ll have given up trying to carry his burden on his own.

I can understand how David feels.  I’m a pretty stubborn and independent person.  I don’t like to ask for help.  I don’t like to admit that I can’t figure something out on my own.  But over the years, Jesus has made it clear to me that apart from Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5).  Every time I try, I fail.  Every.  Time.  And it's exhausting.

I don't know the extent of David's burdens, but I do know that they are too heavy for him to carry on his own.  And I know that Jesus is ready and waiting to pick them up, as He has done for me, and as He can do for each person.  But first, we have to be willing to put them down.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  -Matthew 11:28-30

*name changed

#16. I'm Not Missing Out.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time talking about France and sharing some of the exciting things that God is doing there.  

Meanwhile, God has been introducing me to a lot of other exciting opportunities, too--coffee shops in London, children's clubs in Dominican Republic, sports camps in Germany, cycling in Rwanda, Child Evangelism Fellowship in Latin America, teaching English in the Middle East and Asia, tentmaker ministries in Haiti...and as I hear about what God is doing in all of these places, I feel little pangs of...is it jealousy?  I am so grateful for the opportunity that God has given me, and I know France is the place He has called me for now.  But when I hear about all of these other opportunities, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out!  Or at least I did feel that way.

But a few days ago as I was praying for some of these other ministries (and confessing my feelings of jealousy) I realized (i.e. God showed me) that I'm NOT missing out at all!  Missing out would be not knowing these other people and places and ministries exist.  But God has given me the opportunity to participate in not just one ministry, but ALL of these ministries by praying for and supporting my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ--what an amazing privilege!

There are many places in the world I would like to go, and I may never have the opportunity to set my feet on all of their soil.  But I can experience the places, the people, and the cultures through those who are serving there; and really, that is what being part of the body of Christ is all about. 

Yes, the body has many parts, not just one part.  If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body.  And what would you think if you heard an ear say, “I am not part of the body because I am only an ear and not an eye”?  Would that make it any less a part of the body?  Suppose the whole body were an eye—then how would you hear?  Or if your whole body were just one big ear, how could you smell anything?  But that isn't the way God has made us.  He has made many parts for our bodies and has put each part just where he wants it.  What a strange thing a body would be if it had only one part!  So he has made many parts, but still there is only one body.

-1 Corinthians 12:14-20

I know that when God calls us to do something, He will provide the resources we need, but still I've been amazed and humbled by the generous outgoing of support I have received already from so many friends, family, and even strangers!  It is an incredible privilege and responsibility to invite people to invest in God's Kingdom in this way.  I hope and pray that I can do a good job of relaying the work that God is doing in France so that they can experience it, too, firsthand.

#15. It's Just Stuff.

Last spring I began the process of packing up my classroom and apartment as I moved one step closer to leaving for France.  I actually started making my packing list for France months earlier, so as I made decisions about what would stay and what would go, I kept repeating to myself:  It’s just stuff.  If I don’t need it, if I can’t use it, I’m not going to keep it.

The problem is that I’m so sentimental.  Everything I see, touch, and smell reminds me of a person or an experience, and that makes it hard for me to let go of anything.  But it’s just stuff.  I don’t need the objects to remind me of those people and places.  So with the exception of a few items (childhood memories in a trunk; books on a shelf; one file of science supplies—just in case) I took pictures of the things I worried I might forget and boxed all of it up.  

Everything I needed for now and for France came with me to my parents’ house.  Everything else went into storage to sell.  [Yes, everything, dad…except the bed.  ;-)]

And now it’s time!  Our garage sale is this Saturday, so for the past couple of weeks I’ve been reopening the boxes I packed a few months ago and carefully trying to organize and display it in the most appealing way possible.  And still, I have to keep reminding myself, it’s just stuff.

 

But it’s cool stuff.  It’s the dishes that I carefully picked out before I moved out on my own the first time.  It’s posters and teaching manipulatives I made and used at the best job ever with the best students and coworkers ever.  It’s antique dollhouse furniture that I played with when I was little and thought I might give my own daughter someday.  

But it’s just stuff.  And if I can’t use it, I might as well give it to someone who can.  They can use it, and they can make new memories with it.  That’s what stuff is for.  To be used.

Having more stuff doesn’t make you a better person or give you a better life.  Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I want my heart to be where God has called me to be—sharing His love and hope with others who need to hear it.  And I want to be free to go wherever He wants me to go and do whatever He wants me to do, without my stuff getting in the way.  So I’ve already decided when I leave for France, I’m only taking 2 suitcases with me…good thing I’ve already made my packing list.

I want my breakfast served at eight with ham and eggs upon the plate
A well-broiled steak I’ll eat at one and dine again when day is done.
I want an ultramodern home and in each room a telephone;
Soft carpets, too, upon the floors and pretty drapes to grace the doors.
A cozy place of lovely things, like easy chairs with inner springs,
And then, I’ll get a nice T.V.--of course, I’m careful what I see.
I want my wardrobe, too, to be of neatest, finest quality,
With latest style in suit and vest; why should not Christians have the best?
But then the Master I can hear in no uncertain voice, so clear:
“I bid you come and follow Me, the lowly Man of Galilee.”
“Birds of the air have made their nest and foxes in their holes find rest,
But I can offer you no bed; no place have I to lay my head.”
In shame I hung my head and cried; how could I spurn the Crucified?
Could I forget the way He went, the sleepless nights in prayer He spent?
For forty days without a bite, alone He fasted day and night;
Despised, rejected – on He went, and did not stop till veil He rent!
A man of sorrows and of grief, no earthly friend to bring relief;
“Smitten of God,” the prophet said--mocked, beaten, bruised, His blood ran red.
If He be God, and died for me, no sacrifice too great can be
For me; a mortal man, to make; I’ll do it all for Jesus’ sake.
Yes, I will tread the path He trod, no other way will please my God,
So, henceforth, this my choice shall be, my choice for all eternity.

-William “Smiling Bill” McChesney (1936-1964), missionary to Congo 

#13. We Are Made to Worship.

We are made to worship and to be dazzled and to stand in awe.  So we will either worship God or we will worship idols.  (See Psalm 145.)

I wrote this down almost two years ago, in Sunday School, I think.  I don’t really even remember the context, but I know it struck me that worship is wired into us—and that is why we all worship something.  We worship celebrities.  We worship sports teams.  We worship power, health, wealth, you name it.  We are made to worship.

Last week was our school's talent show.  It is always a joy and a privilege to watch our students display their God-given talents for His glory.  I truly believe our school is something really special—not because of anything we have done, but because of what God is doing there.

I see the elementary students and I wonder who they will become.  I see my middle schoolers and am amazed at who they have already become, and I know God isn't finished with them yet!

Although I do love my middle schoolers very much, my favorite act of the night was actually a second grader who sang Colton Dixon’s song “You Are.”  I liked the song already, but when I heard this performance, I realized I’ve been singing it wrong.  He sang it with such purity and passion; I know he understood and meant every single word.  

“If I had no voice, if I had no tongue, I would dance for you like the rising sun, and when that day comes and I see your face, I will shout your endless glorious praise!”

He is the song we sing.  All of God’s creation cries out to Him; it’s what we were made to do!  What a blessing it has been to spend the last 7 years of my life working in a place where we can fully acknowledge this, and where little second graders can literally shout the endless, glorious praise of God!  :-)  

We only have three weeks left of school, and it is getting harder and harder every day to think about leaving this special place.  But every time I think about saying, “Forget it!  I changed my mind; I’m staying!” I think about all of the people who haven’t yet heard that there is a God who made them and loves them and desires a relationship with them.  I don't want to say goodbye, but I have to move forward in obedience to God and trust Him to finish the work He has started here.

"Why should anyone hear the gospel twice before everyone has heard it once?"  -Oswald J. Smith

“It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt…He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the One who is invisible.”  -Hebrews 11:27

#11. What God Starts, He Will Finish.

"I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 1:3-6

Friday, for the first time since Candidate Orientation over two months ago (yikes!) our little group was able to reunite, via Skype/cell phone.  [So grateful for technology, even when it doesn’t work exactly as planned.]

I am so incredibly thankful to God for our group.  We heard it was one of the smaller ones, but I’m really grateful for that!  We were able to really get to know each other throughout the week and to ask and answer questions honestly.

I definitely feel like God put us together deliberately; I can’t imagine being there with a better group of people (which also applies to the GEM staff!).  Even though we spent less than a week together, I love them all dearly…Dennis, with his chill personality and subtle but hilarious sense of humor (“Hi, I’m Dennis, and I also have 7 children.”), Terri, the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman, who also made me feel better about having so many questions (“Sharon, is it ok that I don’t understand anything that you just said?”), Kevin, with his ability to instantly befriend anyone, who thinks nothing of munching sweet potato chips in the president’s office, and Jazz, my fellow Francophile, who is one of the coolest, kindest people I’ve ever met (and she can hula!).

It’s not like I expected this process to be easy, but there have definitely been some unexpected challenges.  I am grateful for loving and supportive family, friends, and church bodies, but there is just something about us going through this process together that I really appreciate.  We’re all heading to different places, and we may get there at different times, but I can’t wait to see what God does with our little group.  [And also to have an “excuse” to visit Paris, Germany, and Switzerland.]  :-)

"Remember the things I have done in the past.  For I alone am God!  I am God, and there is none like me.  Only I can tell you the future before it even happens.  Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish."

-Isaiah 46:9-10