#15. It's Just Stuff.

Last spring I began the process of packing up my classroom and apartment as I moved one step closer to leaving for France.  I actually started making my packing list for France months earlier, so as I made decisions about what would stay and what would go, I kept repeating to myself:  It’s just stuff.  If I don’t need it, if I can’t use it, I’m not going to keep it.

The problem is that I’m so sentimental.  Everything I see, touch, and smell reminds me of a person or an experience, and that makes it hard for me to let go of anything.  But it’s just stuff.  I don’t need the objects to remind me of those people and places.  So with the exception of a few items (childhood memories in a trunk; books on a shelf; one file of science supplies—just in case) I took pictures of the things I worried I might forget and boxed all of it up.  

Everything I needed for now and for France came with me to my parents’ house.  Everything else went into storage to sell.  [Yes, everything, dad…except the bed.  ;-)]

And now it’s time!  Our garage sale is this Saturday, so for the past couple of weeks I’ve been reopening the boxes I packed a few months ago and carefully trying to organize and display it in the most appealing way possible.  And still, I have to keep reminding myself, it’s just stuff.

 

But it’s cool stuff.  It’s the dishes that I carefully picked out before I moved out on my own the first time.  It’s posters and teaching manipulatives I made and used at the best job ever with the best students and coworkers ever.  It’s antique dollhouse furniture that I played with when I was little and thought I might give my own daughter someday.  

But it’s just stuff.  And if I can’t use it, I might as well give it to someone who can.  They can use it, and they can make new memories with it.  That’s what stuff is for.  To be used.

Having more stuff doesn’t make you a better person or give you a better life.  Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I want my heart to be where God has called me to be—sharing His love and hope with others who need to hear it.  And I want to be free to go wherever He wants me to go and do whatever He wants me to do, without my stuff getting in the way.  So I’ve already decided when I leave for France, I’m only taking 2 suitcases with me…good thing I’ve already made my packing list.

I want my breakfast served at eight with ham and eggs upon the plate
A well-broiled steak I’ll eat at one and dine again when day is done.
I want an ultramodern home and in each room a telephone;
Soft carpets, too, upon the floors and pretty drapes to grace the doors.
A cozy place of lovely things, like easy chairs with inner springs,
And then, I’ll get a nice T.V.--of course, I’m careful what I see.
I want my wardrobe, too, to be of neatest, finest quality,
With latest style in suit and vest; why should not Christians have the best?
But then the Master I can hear in no uncertain voice, so clear:
“I bid you come and follow Me, the lowly Man of Galilee.”
“Birds of the air have made their nest and foxes in their holes find rest,
But I can offer you no bed; no place have I to lay my head.”
In shame I hung my head and cried; how could I spurn the Crucified?
Could I forget the way He went, the sleepless nights in prayer He spent?
For forty days without a bite, alone He fasted day and night;
Despised, rejected – on He went, and did not stop till veil He rent!
A man of sorrows and of grief, no earthly friend to bring relief;
“Smitten of God,” the prophet said--mocked, beaten, bruised, His blood ran red.
If He be God, and died for me, no sacrifice too great can be
For me; a mortal man, to make; I’ll do it all for Jesus’ sake.
Yes, I will tread the path He trod, no other way will please my God,
So, henceforth, this my choice shall be, my choice for all eternity.

-William “Smiling Bill” McChesney (1936-1964), missionary to Congo 

#14. God Makes Beautiful Things Out of Dust.

Poppies!

 Every time I write the word, I have to use an exclamation point.  

Poppies!  Ever since the first time I saw them growing in a field in France, I have gained a new appreciation for this simple flower. 

<<Le petit prince, qui assistait à l'installation d'un bouton énorme, sentait bien qu'il en sortirait une apparition miraculeuse, mais la fleur n'en finissait pas de se préparer à être belle, à l'abri de sa chambre verte.  Elle choisissait avec soin ses couleurs.  Elle s'habbillait lentement, elle ajustait un à un ses pétales.  Elle ne voulait pas sortir toute fripée comme les coquelicots.  Elle ne voulait apparaître que dans le plein rayonnement de sa beauté.>>

“The little prince, who was present at the first appearance of a huge bud, felt at once that some sort of miraculous apparition must emerge from it. But the flower was not satisfied to complete the preparations for her beauty in the shelter of her green chamber. She chose her colors with the greatest care. She dressed herself slowly. She adjusted her petals one by one. She did not wish to go out into the world all rumpled, like the field poppies. It was only in the full radiance of her beauty that she wished to appear.”  
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

The little prince’s flower may not have thought much of the poppies, but I think there’s something really cool about them…the way they seemingly pop out of nowhere, adding their burst of color, without caring what else is around them.

According to people who actually know things about flowers, poppy seeds can lie dormant in the ground for a very long time.  If the ground is disturbed, then the seeds can germinate, and the poppies will spring up!

The ground in Northern France and Belgium was devastated during World War I with the effects of battle after battle…the artillery damage, the gunpowder, even the fallen soldiers themselves.  The soil was so acidic that almost nothing else could grow there.  But come spring and summer, the barren battlefields were filled with poppies!  Major John McCrae even wrote a poem about them.

So to me, poppies have become a beautiful symbol of life and resilience, even if they do come out into the world a little rumpled.

But on my most recent trip to France, as I took some time to reflect on the work that God is doing in France right now, I began to think about the poppies in a new way:

What, after all, is Apollos?  And what is Paul?  Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task.  I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.  So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.  For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.

-1 Corinthians 3:5-9

Only God can make life spring up out of dust.  Still, He calls us, the body of Christ, to participate in His great work by sowing seeds, by watering them, and by trusting Him to make them grow.  Our God is the Lord of the Harvest, and He is in the business of restoration and reconciliation.  There is no ground too hard or too dry for Him.  And sometimes it’s the ground that looks the most unhospitable that will bring the most beautiful blooms.  

"All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You...

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us..."

-Gungor, "Beautiful Things"

"It's from the deepest wounds

That beauty finds a place to bloom..." 

-Jason Gray, "Nothing is Wasted"

#13. We Are Made to Worship.

We are made to worship and to be dazzled and to stand in awe.  So we will either worship God or we will worship idols.  (See Psalm 145.)

I wrote this down almost two years ago, in Sunday School, I think.  I don’t really even remember the context, but I know it struck me that worship is wired into us—and that is why we all worship something.  We worship celebrities.  We worship sports teams.  We worship power, health, wealth, you name it.  We are made to worship.

Last week was our school's talent show.  It is always a joy and a privilege to watch our students display their God-given talents for His glory.  I truly believe our school is something really special—not because of anything we have done, but because of what God is doing there.

I see the elementary students and I wonder who they will become.  I see my middle schoolers and am amazed at who they have already become, and I know God isn't finished with them yet!

Although I do love my middle schoolers very much, my favorite act of the night was actually a second grader who sang Colton Dixon’s song “You Are.”  I liked the song already, but when I heard this performance, I realized I’ve been singing it wrong.  He sang it with such purity and passion; I know he understood and meant every single word.  

“If I had no voice, if I had no tongue, I would dance for you like the rising sun, and when that day comes and I see your face, I will shout your endless glorious praise!”

He is the song we sing.  All of God’s creation cries out to Him; it’s what we were made to do!  What a blessing it has been to spend the last 7 years of my life working in a place where we can fully acknowledge this, and where little second graders can literally shout the endless, glorious praise of God!  :-)  

We only have three weeks left of school, and it is getting harder and harder every day to think about leaving this special place.  But every time I think about saying, “Forget it!  I changed my mind; I’m staying!” I think about all of the people who haven’t yet heard that there is a God who made them and loves them and desires a relationship with them.  I don't want to say goodbye, but I have to move forward in obedience to God and trust Him to finish the work He has started here.

"Why should anyone hear the gospel twice before everyone has heard it once?"  -Oswald J. Smith

“It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt…He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the One who is invisible.”  -Hebrews 11:27

A Pause for Reflection...

There is nothing on earth quite like the joy of a Snow Day.  Your plans are already made; you have places to be and things to do.  But then, suddenly, with one phone call or email or image on the TV screen, time stops.  Classes and events and deadlines are postponed.  God has literally given you the gift of time.  What will you do with it?  Snuggle up with a book and hot chocolate?  Turn off the alarm clock and go back to sleep?  Rush outside to sled and build snowmen and have snowball fights? 

Part of the art of celebrating the Snow Day is to convince your parents that even though the roads are too bad for you to go to school, they are safe enough for your best friend to come over to play!  Or, if you’re willing to roll the dice, you can invite your best friend to spend the night before the snow starts.  ;-)

I think there are some good lessons to be learned from the Snow Day.  First, patience.  It is truly agonizing to attend a school that starts with a “W;” just when you finally think they’re almost done with all of the “Saint” schools, then they cut to a commercial break!  (For the young folks, when I was a student, they apparently did not yet have the technology to keep the list rolling through the commercials.)

Also, Snow Days are a lesson in rest.  God commands us to keep the Sabbath to rest, to worship, and to focus on Him.  I often find myself so concerned with my day to day responsibilities that I don’t take the time to rest as I should.  But on Snow Days, when schedules are suspended, I can truly rest!

Snow Days have been a part of my life for the past 25 years, first as a student, and then as a teacher.  I’ve been blessed to have a job that NEVER required me to work on a Snow Day.  But I realized on Thursday that I might have just celebrated my last Snow Day ever!

I was sad to learn that there does not seem to be an official French term for “Snow Day.”  Even if I do encounter some days in France on which snow interferes with plans, I don’t think it will ever have the same feeling as celebrating them here.

It’s ok; I know God will have plenty of new adventures for me in France.  The Lord has taught me a lot over this past year about the importance of looking forward, rather than looking back (see Thing #7, No More Looking Back).  Still, I’m a sentimental person, and so I felt the need to reminisce for a moment.  

R.I.P. Edward…2/2/2011

"Come now, let's settle this," says the LORD.  "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow.  Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool."  

-Isaiah 1:18

#12. Reconciliation is Coming…

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”  -Revelation 7:9-10

There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

-Galatians 3:28

Reconciliation. 

I was asked to choose a word for 2013 that in some way represents what God is teaching me during this season of my life, and this is going to be mine.

The American Heritage College Dictionary (my personal favorite!) says that to “reconcile” means “to reestablish a close relationship between.  To settle or resolve.  To bring (oneself) to accept.  To make compatible or consistent.”

So reconciliation implies that there was a relationship to begin with that was broken in some way.

Looking around at our world, anyone can tell that we desperately need reconciliation.  There is division and conflict everywhere, between students in school, between family members, between political parties, between nations, between ethnic groups…and the list goes on.  People cry out for “world peace,” but the conflicts just keep coming. 

What we need is to go back to the point before we were broken.  So when was that?  When were we not divided…by “race,” religion, class, or political party?  We have to go back…really far back.

God created us in His image, to be in a relationship with Him.  But like any healthy relationship, there was freedom…for us to choose whether we wanted that relationship or not. 

We’ve all chosen ourselves over our relationship with Him.  And once that relationship is broken, there is nothing we can do to restore it on our own.

I love this mural, not only for the story it tells in its pictures, but for the story behind it.  It’s such a great symbol of unity and reconciliation in the Uptown neighborhood.  And yet, there are still gangs in Chicago.  There are still children growing up in broken homes.  There are still thousands of people without a place to lay their heads at night.  And there is still racism.

That’s because our ultimate need, beyond reconciliation with each other, is reconciliation with God.  Until that relationship is restored, true peace between men is not possible.  We are incapable of bringing about reconciliation on our own.  It is only possible, as depicted in the last portion of this mural, through Jesus Christ, who bridged the gap between man and God (Romans 5:10).

Even though I know the brokenness in the world is a result of sin and separation from God, I still struggle to understand why He has allowed it to continue to the extent that we now see it.  As I sat at a dinner table at Cornerstone Community Outreach talking to J-- about the things he’s seen on the street and what my life might have been like if I’d grown up in the streets of Chicago rather than the suburbs of St. Louis, my heart was totally crushed.  It’s so unfair; why has God blessed me so much and allowed others to have so little?

Ultimately, I know that God’s ways are higher than mine, and I’ll never understand the full picture of His plan until I get to heaven (Isaiah 55:8-11).  But lately I’ve been thinking that I might have to accept some of the blame myself.  Because even though Jesus is the one who has done the work of reconciling us to God, we are the means by which God has chosen to spread that message. 

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  

-2 Corinthians 5:16-21

If we don’t share this good news, how will people know (Romans10:14-15)?

If we truly want to see peace and reconciliation in our world, then we have to point people to Jesus.  It’s what God commands us to do.  It's not a message for us to keep to ourselves; He means for us to share it.  So reconciliation will be my word for 2013.  I don’t presume to think I can change anyone’s life; only God can do that.  But if He wants to use me, I want to let Him.

#11. What God Starts, He Will Finish.

"I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 1:3-6

Friday, for the first time since Candidate Orientation over two months ago (yikes!) our little group was able to reunite, via Skype/cell phone.  [So grateful for technology, even when it doesn’t work exactly as planned.]

I am so incredibly thankful to God for our group.  We heard it was one of the smaller ones, but I’m really grateful for that!  We were able to really get to know each other throughout the week and to ask and answer questions honestly.

I definitely feel like God put us together deliberately; I can’t imagine being there with a better group of people (which also applies to the GEM staff!).  Even though we spent less than a week together, I love them all dearly…Dennis, with his chill personality and subtle but hilarious sense of humor (“Hi, I’m Dennis, and I also have 7 children.”), Terri, the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman, who also made me feel better about having so many questions (“Sharon, is it ok that I don’t understand anything that you just said?”), Kevin, with his ability to instantly befriend anyone, who thinks nothing of munching sweet potato chips in the president’s office, and Jazz, my fellow Francophile, who is one of the coolest, kindest people I’ve ever met (and she can hula!).

It’s not like I expected this process to be easy, but there have definitely been some unexpected challenges.  I am grateful for loving and supportive family, friends, and church bodies, but there is just something about us going through this process together that I really appreciate.  We’re all heading to different places, and we may get there at different times, but I can’t wait to see what God does with our little group.  [And also to have an “excuse” to visit Paris, Germany, and Switzerland.]  :-)

"Remember the things I have done in the past.  For I alone am God!  I am God, and there is none like me.  Only I can tell you the future before it even happens.  Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish."

-Isaiah 46:9-10

#10. One Step at a Time



“Imagine yourself as a living house.  God comes in to rebuild that house.  At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing.  He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.  But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense.  What on earth is He up to?  The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage:  but He is building a palace.  He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

Today is my birthday. 

I think birthdays always make us a little introspective.  Today, I can’t help but think about what a different place I’m in this year than I was last year—literally and figuratively.

This week I’m in Colorado at Greater Europe Mission’s headquarters for Candidate Orientation.  I had been anticipating this for months…then getting excited as the date got closer and closer…and then last week I panicked. 

Am I really supposed to be here?  Can I do this?  Is God really calling me to France, or am I doing this just because I want to?

I am definitely a thinker, and over the past few months, the thoughts have been coming and going faster than I can make sense of them.  I feel like I’ve been trying to take all these scraps and post-its of thoughts and to put them together, so that I can organize them into little files to store away in my mind and heart.  Journaling and blogging has helped, but there are still some nagging, half-processed thoughts that don’t seem to fit into any file.

Yesterday during our morning worship, we talked a bit about what it means for God to break us in order to reshape us and use us.  I’ve definitely experienced this over the past year.  One of these areas that I keep coming back to time and time again is my desire to know God’s whole plan, when all He is showing me is one step at a time.  I struggle to find the balance between wanting to be in control (which I’m not) and simply wanting to give God my best, which I think includes being as prepared as I can be. 

For example, right now God has called me to be a teacher.  I can’t serve Him to the best of my ability without taking time to plan and prepare for my students.  The unexpected can (and does) still occur, but I’m a more effective teacher if I take the time to study, prepare, and practice what I’m doing.

Yet, for some reason, when it comes to this journey of missions that God has me on, overthinking seems to be my biggest enemy.  I know it’s normal to have doubts and hesitations when starting something new, but the more I try to sort through them and process them, the more confused I get.  So last night I took a little walk under the beautiful Colorado stars, and I boiled it all down to these three options:

1. I can go back to where I was last year at this time, and forget everything that God has done in me since then.
2. I can stay exactly where He has me right now.
3. I can keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Those really are the only options. 
 
#1 is ridiculous; we can’t move back in time, and even if I tried, I can’t change the circumstances that have brought me to where I am; I can’t bring back people or opportunities that are gone; and most importantly, I can’t forget the lessons God has taught me since then.

#2 is equally absurd.   Even though change is scary, it’s a part of life.  Things can’t stay the same forever; if they did, we would never grow.

So #3 it is…keep moving forward, trusting that as God has guided me so far, He will continue to do so—in His timing, not mine. 

I’m so grateful for Bible Study Fellowship and the difference it has made in my life.  I remember hearing early on that it is “a season of preparation for a lifetime of service.”  To be honest, when I heard that, I didn’t ever want the season of preparation to end!  A lifetime of service seems scary and hard.  But it’s not really preparation if you’re not actually preparing for anything.

I’ve been able to use so much of what I’ve learned in BSF and apply it where I am.  Now God is teaching me new things, and it seems, calling me to a new place. 

I don’t know if I’ll end up in France.  If I go, I don’t know if I’ll be successful there.  If I am, I don’t know if I’ll stay or come back.  If I come back, I don’t know what I’ll do when I get here.  I can’t know any of that, and I could make myself crazy trying to figure it out.  All I know is I have to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

I appreciate C.S. Lewis’s quote above.  It is really painful when God starts demolishing walls that I thought looked fine right where they were.  But He is the architect, and He alone knows the blueprint.  I don’t need to see it to know that His house will be infinitely better than the one I would have built on my own.

 

For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. 

–Ephesians 2:10