#12. Reconciliation is Coming…

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”  -Revelation 7:9-10

There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

-Galatians 3:28

Reconciliation. 

I was asked to choose a word for 2013 that in some way represents what God is teaching me during this season of my life, and this is going to be mine.

The American Heritage College Dictionary (my personal favorite!) says that to “reconcile” means “to reestablish a close relationship between.  To settle or resolve.  To bring (oneself) to accept.  To make compatible or consistent.”

So reconciliation implies that there was a relationship to begin with that was broken in some way.

Looking around at our world, anyone can tell that we desperately need reconciliation.  There is division and conflict everywhere, between students in school, between family members, between political parties, between nations, between ethnic groups…and the list goes on.  People cry out for “world peace,” but the conflicts just keep coming. 

What we need is to go back to the point before we were broken.  So when was that?  When were we not divided…by “race,” religion, class, or political party?  We have to go back…really far back.

God created us in His image, to be in a relationship with Him.  But like any healthy relationship, there was freedom…for us to choose whether we wanted that relationship or not. 

We’ve all chosen ourselves over our relationship with Him.  And once that relationship is broken, there is nothing we can do to restore it on our own.

I love this mural, not only for the story it tells in its pictures, but for the story behind it.  It’s such a great symbol of unity and reconciliation in the Uptown neighborhood.  And yet, there are still gangs in Chicago.  There are still children growing up in broken homes.  There are still thousands of people without a place to lay their heads at night.  And there is still racism.

That’s because our ultimate need, beyond reconciliation with each other, is reconciliation with God.  Until that relationship is restored, true peace between men is not possible.  We are incapable of bringing about reconciliation on our own.  It is only possible, as depicted in the last portion of this mural, through Jesus Christ, who bridged the gap between man and God (Romans 5:10).

Even though I know the brokenness in the world is a result of sin and separation from God, I still struggle to understand why He has allowed it to continue to the extent that we now see it.  As I sat at a dinner table at Cornerstone Community Outreach talking to J-- about the things he’s seen on the street and what my life might have been like if I’d grown up in the streets of Chicago rather than the suburbs of St. Louis, my heart was totally crushed.  It’s so unfair; why has God blessed me so much and allowed others to have so little?

Ultimately, I know that God’s ways are higher than mine, and I’ll never understand the full picture of His plan until I get to heaven (Isaiah 55:8-11).  But lately I’ve been thinking that I might have to accept some of the blame myself.  Because even though Jesus is the one who has done the work of reconciling us to God, we are the means by which God has chosen to spread that message. 

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  

-2 Corinthians 5:16-21

If we don’t share this good news, how will people know (Romans10:14-15)?

If we truly want to see peace and reconciliation in our world, then we have to point people to Jesus.  It’s what God commands us to do.  It's not a message for us to keep to ourselves; He means for us to share it.  So reconciliation will be my word for 2013.  I don’t presume to think I can change anyone’s life; only God can do that.  But if He wants to use me, I want to let Him.

#11. What God Starts, He Will Finish.

"I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 1:3-6

Friday, for the first time since Candidate Orientation over two months ago (yikes!) our little group was able to reunite, via Skype/cell phone.  [So grateful for technology, even when it doesn’t work exactly as planned.]

I am so incredibly thankful to God for our group.  We heard it was one of the smaller ones, but I’m really grateful for that!  We were able to really get to know each other throughout the week and to ask and answer questions honestly.

I definitely feel like God put us together deliberately; I can’t imagine being there with a better group of people (which also applies to the GEM staff!).  Even though we spent less than a week together, I love them all dearly…Dennis, with his chill personality and subtle but hilarious sense of humor (“Hi, I’m Dennis, and I also have 7 children.”), Terri, the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman, who also made me feel better about having so many questions (“Sharon, is it ok that I don’t understand anything that you just said?”), Kevin, with his ability to instantly befriend anyone, who thinks nothing of munching sweet potato chips in the president’s office, and Jazz, my fellow Francophile, who is one of the coolest, kindest people I’ve ever met (and she can hula!).

It’s not like I expected this process to be easy, but there have definitely been some unexpected challenges.  I am grateful for loving and supportive family, friends, and church bodies, but there is just something about us going through this process together that I really appreciate.  We’re all heading to different places, and we may get there at different times, but I can’t wait to see what God does with our little group.  [And also to have an “excuse” to visit Paris, Germany, and Switzerland.]  :-)

"Remember the things I have done in the past.  For I alone am God!  I am God, and there is none like me.  Only I can tell you the future before it even happens.  Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish."

-Isaiah 46:9-10

#10. One Step at a Time



“Imagine yourself as a living house.  God comes in to rebuild that house.  At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing.  He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.  But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense.  What on earth is He up to?  The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage:  but He is building a palace.  He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

Today is my birthday. 

I think birthdays always make us a little introspective.  Today, I can’t help but think about what a different place I’m in this year than I was last year—literally and figuratively.

This week I’m in Colorado at Greater Europe Mission’s headquarters for Candidate Orientation.  I had been anticipating this for months…then getting excited as the date got closer and closer…and then last week I panicked. 

Am I really supposed to be here?  Can I do this?  Is God really calling me to France, or am I doing this just because I want to?

I am definitely a thinker, and over the past few months, the thoughts have been coming and going faster than I can make sense of them.  I feel like I’ve been trying to take all these scraps and post-its of thoughts and to put them together, so that I can organize them into little files to store away in my mind and heart.  Journaling and blogging has helped, but there are still some nagging, half-processed thoughts that don’t seem to fit into any file.

Yesterday during our morning worship, we talked a bit about what it means for God to break us in order to reshape us and use us.  I’ve definitely experienced this over the past year.  One of these areas that I keep coming back to time and time again is my desire to know God’s whole plan, when all He is showing me is one step at a time.  I struggle to find the balance between wanting to be in control (which I’m not) and simply wanting to give God my best, which I think includes being as prepared as I can be. 

For example, right now God has called me to be a teacher.  I can’t serve Him to the best of my ability without taking time to plan and prepare for my students.  The unexpected can (and does) still occur, but I’m a more effective teacher if I take the time to study, prepare, and practice what I’m doing.

Yet, for some reason, when it comes to this journey of missions that God has me on, overthinking seems to be my biggest enemy.  I know it’s normal to have doubts and hesitations when starting something new, but the more I try to sort through them and process them, the more confused I get.  So last night I took a little walk under the beautiful Colorado stars, and I boiled it all down to these three options:

1. I can go back to where I was last year at this time, and forget everything that God has done in me since then.
2. I can stay exactly where He has me right now.
3. I can keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Those really are the only options. 
 
#1 is ridiculous; we can’t move back in time, and even if I tried, I can’t change the circumstances that have brought me to where I am; I can’t bring back people or opportunities that are gone; and most importantly, I can’t forget the lessons God has taught me since then.

#2 is equally absurd.   Even though change is scary, it’s a part of life.  Things can’t stay the same forever; if they did, we would never grow.

So #3 it is…keep moving forward, trusting that as God has guided me so far, He will continue to do so—in His timing, not mine. 

I’m so grateful for Bible Study Fellowship and the difference it has made in my life.  I remember hearing early on that it is “a season of preparation for a lifetime of service.”  To be honest, when I heard that, I didn’t ever want the season of preparation to end!  A lifetime of service seems scary and hard.  But it’s not really preparation if you’re not actually preparing for anything.

I’ve been able to use so much of what I’ve learned in BSF and apply it where I am.  Now God is teaching me new things, and it seems, calling me to a new place. 

I don’t know if I’ll end up in France.  If I go, I don’t know if I’ll be successful there.  If I am, I don’t know if I’ll stay or come back.  If I come back, I don’t know what I’ll do when I get here.  I can’t know any of that, and I could make myself crazy trying to figure it out.  All I know is I have to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

I appreciate C.S. Lewis’s quote above.  It is really painful when God starts demolishing walls that I thought looked fine right where they were.  But He is the architect, and He alone knows the blueprint.  I don’t need to see it to know that His house will be infinitely better than the one I would have built on my own.

 

For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. 

–Ephesians 2:10

#9. I Don't Need a Map, Just a Lamp.

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Before cell phones were so common, I hated caravanning to places with people who would say, “Oh, just follow me there!”  Inevitably, the car in front of me would make it through the light, and I wouldn’t.  Then, either I’d have to floor it to try to catch up to them, or they’d have to pull over and wait for me to come through.

Now it’s so easy just to call someone from your group if you get separated.  Or, you can just use your GPS and find the place on your own.  Finding an unknown destination doesn’t have to be such a mystery anymore.  Call me old school, though, but I still keep a road atlas in my car (thank you, Grandpa), and if I’m going on a long trip, I’ll print a map from the Internet.  Yes, I’m an INTJ.  But the bottom line is that I simply don’t trust step-by-step directions.  I want the big picture, the complete picture, before I even start.

Too bad God doesn’t work that way.  I’m realizing more and more every day how much I need to lean on Him for guidance, and I’m also learning that He is 100% trustworthy!  He has never left me hanging, never allowed me to get lost.  Sure, I might not be able to see where I’m headed sometimes, but He always knows, and He always gives me directions for my next turn in time.  (Unlike the GPS.)

Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

God does provide guidance, but it’s usually just a little bit at a time.  He knows how much information we need, and that’s exactly how much He gives us—no more, no less.

I’ve been trying to obey Him as I seek His guidance for the future, and I have a little glimpse of what could be ahead, but there’s still a lot of darkness.  My lamp just isn’t bright enough to see as far as I want to.  But God Himself is all the light that I need.   

"Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, 'I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.'"  -John 8:12

Even though I take little steps of progress at a time, I am moving forward.  And it’s encouraging to be able to look back and see where I was.

I’ve done my best to follow God’s direction for my life, and there have been times that He has closed doors, and I didn’t understand why.  It made me feel like I had done something wrong; that I had missed some crucial information from Him which resulted in my heartbreak.  But (I think) I am learning that isn’t always the case.  Those closed doors and heartaches are a part of the journey as well.  I can see now that I’ve learned lessons from those situations that I probably would not have learned any other way.  And I am grateful that God loves me enough to keep me from going down a path that He knows isn’t the best one for me, even if it looks pretty good from my perspective.

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I can say with certainty that God has continued to open doors and to confirm the steps that I’ve already taken, so I can trust that He will either continue to do that, or He’ll redirect me in His timing to something even better.

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Amazing Grace, John Newton

#8. Challenge Accepted!

 "We have a God who delights in impossibilities."

-Andrew Murray

I am so used to looking for the easiest way possible to do something.  I can get frustrated or even annoyed when I see people working inefficiently.  It seems to be human nature always to look for the easy way out of a situation.  Our intelligence is what separates us from the “lower species,” right?  We have assembly lines and instant/automatic everything.  So it seems natural to look for the easy way out of the difficulties in our lives, too.  But God works differently. 

In Joshua 3, God leads Israel through the flooded Jordan River and into Canaan.  The natural, human path would have been to go around.  What was accomplished by going through?

First, Israel was forced to rely on God’s provision for them, rather than trusting in their own strength.  They must have told their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren the story of this miraculous display of God’s power for generations to come.

Second, Israel’s enemies heard this story, too.  Those in Jericho had already heard of how the God of Israel parted the Red Sea more than 40 years earlier.  Now, in their very own land, they saw Him do a miracle again.

God does not see as man sees.  Where I see difficulty or even impossibility, He sees opportunity.  I picture it going a little something like this:

 

Me:  "Nope.  No way.  Uh uh.  There's no way I could ever do that."

 

God:  "Challenge accepted!"  :)

 

God definitely isn’t interested in choosing the “easy route” for us. Instead, He chooses the path that will give Him the most glory!

 

It’s scary for me to walk on when I can see and hear the flood waters rushing ahead.  But God came through for Israel, and He’ll come through for me, too.  One, because He loves me, and He promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28); and two, because His ultimate goal is to bring glory to Himself (Isaiah 48:11).

A few weeks ago, I finished my first 5k, and I was so proud of myself. 

 

 

Of course, thousands—or probably even millions—of people have done 5k’s, and in MUCH faster times than me!

No one is really that impressed when you do something that anyone could do.  But everyone takes notice when God does something that only He can do—whether it’s a miraculous healing, forgiveness for someone who doesn’t deserve it, or grace and peace when He chooses not to heal.  Whatever the circumstance, we can trust that He is accomplishing something far greater than anything we can see or understand.

God used a shepherd boy to slay a nine-foot giant (1 Samuel 17).  He conquered an army with 300 men who lapped water like dogs (Judges 7).  He redeemed the world through His own Son, born to an unwed mother.  And He used a group of nobodies to spread the good news of His salvation around the world.  Honestly, there are a lot of days when I don’t know what God sees in me or why He would want to use someone who is so timid, insecure, and stubborn.  But I am learning that, ironically, the more fragile and frail I am, the more qualified for Kingdom service I am!  
 

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 

-2 Corinthians 12:9

Praise God that His power works best in weakness.  Bring it on!  :)

#7. No More Looking Back

I’m a sentimental person.  I keep cards, letters, ticket stubs, and even rocks that remind me of places I’ve been in the past.  But at times, I’ve spent too much time looking back, questioning and dwelling on things I can’t change.  I know that God uses our circumstances to grow us, change us, and make us more like Christ, but His intention isn’t for us to live in the past.  The past is over.  It’s done.  If God meant for us to continue in that same place, He would have kept us there.  If He’s called us out, it’s to move on to something better.  And we can’t reach those blessings unless we’re willing to let go of the past.

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, they grumbled because they missed the cucumbers, melons, and fish of Egypt (Numbers11:5).  If I were Moses, I probably would have said something like, “Oh, you miss the melons, do you?  What about the slavery, remember that?  Do you miss that, too?”  Only I’m not Moses.  I’m one of the Israelites, too often stuck in my own past.

It’s important to remember God’s past faithfulness and blessings.  He provided for the Israelites, even when they were enslaved in Egypt, and He’s blessed me in the past.  But remembering God’s past blessings shouldn’t bring sadness if He’s now chosen to take those things away (Job1:21).  It should instead bring encouragement that if God has been faithful in the past, He will continue to be faithful in the future (Philippians 1:6).

The Israelites didn’t have cucumbers and melon in the wilderness, but God did provide them with manna.  And they never could have made it to the Promised Land if they hadn’t left Egypt.

"If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back.  But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland.  That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them…

…It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger.  He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible."

-Hebrews 11:15-16, 27

God, help me to keep my eyes on You alone, because You hold my past, present, and future in Your hands.

#6. Homesick

“Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

I feel more and more homesick every day.  There are plenty of great things about this life, but there is also so much hurt, pain, and brokenness, and I know this is not how it’s meant to be.  I know God can and will use all of this for His glory, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to endure daily.  Everywhere I look, people are suffering, children are dying, relationships are ending, friends are sick, people are lonely and hurting. 

I know that God’s plan is perfect and so is His timing, but as I go through my own (relatively minor) difficulties, there are so many times I wish I could see God’s plan for me, to know what is ahead and how all the pieces of my life fit together.
               
But I am beginning to realize that, actually, God already has told me the end of my story:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone.  And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.”  -Revelation 21:1-3

He makes all things new, and He is making me new, too:

Just as we are now like the earthly man, we will someday be like the heavenly man. 

-1 Corinthians 15:49

Someday I will be in heaven with Jesus, worshiping Him for all eternity and finally living as He created me to live.

The pain and suffering here on earth is a reminder that I’m not home yet.  Pain itself is not a good thing; it’s a symptom of our broken world.  And every day, it seems to get worse and worse.

The natural response when you see something (or someone) that is broken is to want to fix it, to want to say or do something that will make it better.  But we can’t do it on our own.  The more I see the brokenness in the world, the more I long for my true home in heaven, where everything will finally be as it should be.  I also long more for others to know that same peace and assurance. 

There is only One who can truly fix what is broken.  So why doesn’t He just do it now? 

“We can ignore even pleasure.  But pain insists upon being attended to.  God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains:  it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”  -C.S Lewis

Everyone who experiences pain knows this truth:  This is not how it’s supposed to be!  This is not how we are supposed to live!  But not everyone knows that there is another option, a better way to live.

Despite the fact that there is legitimate evil in the world, God is able to redeem anything for His glory, and He will do it, because His reputation is at stake (Isaiah 48:11).  He can use pain and suffering to bring people to Himself, and He often uses us to do it. 

Pain seems to affect me so much more now than it used to.  It could be because I’m getting older and myself and those I love are being more directly affected, but I think it’s more than that.  I’ve been praying that God would break my heart for the things that break His and that He would help me to see people as He does, and I believe He is answering that prayer. 

The more God breaks my heart for others’ pain and suffering, the more I should desire to share His promise of hope and peace with them.  He has made me an ambassador of His message of reconciliation—what an awesome privilege and responsibility!

So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”  -2 Corinthians 5:20

As much as our world seems to be growing increasingly divided over moral issues, people still need and want hope.  Without our connection to our Creator, we all have a void inside, waiting to be filled.  It may even be through pain that God reveals it to us.  And He has entrusted me (and all believers) with His message of hope.  If I’m doing my job of truly demonstrating Christ’s love in everything I do and say, people should want to know Him and, in turn, might come to long for their true home as well.

“The mold in which a key is made would be a strange thing, if you had never seen a key:  and the key itself a strange thing if you had never seen a lock.  Your soul has a curious shape because it is a hollow made to fit a particular swelling in the infinite contours of the divine substance, or a key to unlock one of the doors in the house with many mansions.

Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it—made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand.”

― C.S. Lewis