Trimming Down the To-Do List

I love the feeling of checking things off my to-do list.  But in France I have learned that a realistic to-do list needs to consist of just one or two items per day.  Sometimes it's my own exhaustion from language and cultural differences that slows me down; often it's the French business/government system itself.

For example, here is what I did on Friday:

1. I woke up at 07h00 in the apartment where I've been staying since my arrival in order to get ready to be at my new apartment before 09h00, to wait for my furniture delivery that would come between 09h00 and 12h00.
2. I had filled my big suitcase with things to take over to the new place (including a convection oven that I carried home from the store Thursday night), so I wheeled that along with me.
3. I stopped at the ATM on the way, because I can only take so much out per day, and I need to pay my rent next week.
4. While I waited for the furniture delivery, I worked on some things in the apartment, including setting up my new printer (which I also carried home from the store--different trip).  I discovered that the printer didn't come with a USB cable, so that means I'll be taking another trip to the store.
5. Furniture was delivered by 10h30, yay!  So I locked up and walked to the bank to deliver a signed paper saying that I give the bank permission to withdraw money from my account so that I can pay my electric bill online.  (Note:  This may seem like a bit of a nuisance, but I bet it cuts down on Internet identity theft.)
6. I went to the SFR store to ask about getting Internet for the apartment.  I chose a plan and was told to come back Saturday morning to sign the contract.  (Update:  Contract signed; the box will be delivered to a parcel service at the end of next week.  I'll pick it up there, and then I'll try to figure out how to set it up myself!)

All of this happened before noon, and after that, I was ready for a nap!  It is easy for me to wear myself out trying to be productive; and what usually happens is that my time spent alone with God is the first thing to go--when in reality that is the most important thing.  So instead of running myself ragged, I am learning to slow down and prioritize.

     As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  
     But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
     “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  
     -Luke 10:38-42

A photo from my new apartment!

#20. It's a Great Big World.

As a student, I loved getting new school supplies every year.  As a teacher, I loved it even more!  :-)  In fact, my mom and I would still go shopping together every tax-free weekend.  This year, I got to buy my school supplies in France, which was a whole new experience.

Here is a photo of my new “pocket” French dictionary…a gift from the university!  Also, check out my sweet new pencil case in the background.  Correction…pen case.  “En France, on utilise toujours un stylo” (professor at the university).

Other than my stylo case, I actually found the process of French school supply shopping to be a bit overwhelming.  Why can’t you buy a notebook with pages that tear out?  Why don’t the folders fit inside the binders?  Why do the binders have 4 rings instead of 3?  If one is going to make a binder with 4 rings, why sell a hole punch that only punches 2 holes at a time?  If one is going to sell a hole punch that only punches 2 holes at a time, why not make the adjustable ruler go all the way through so that a person with some perfectionist tendencies can make sure the top half of her paper is as evenly punched as the bottom half?

Of course, in the grand scheme of things, none of these details really matters.  I am thrilled to be here in France, learning both the language and the culture.  The US is a big country, but the world outside of it is a whole lot bigger.  And the more people I meet here who are from all over the world, the more I appreciate the greatness of my God who created and cares for every tribe, tongue, people, and nation.  English is a pretty widely spoken language, but not everyone here speaks it.  So even though my French isn’t great yet, I think it’s pretty awesome that having this language in common with my classmates allows me to communicate with people from places I’ve never been and may never be able to go.

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’”  -Acts 17:24-28

P.S.  I finally found a “folder” I can put inside my binder!

#19. "Wait Time" is Important.

There is a term in education called "wait time," which refers to the amount of time between the teacher asking a question and eliciting a response from the student.  I was taught to allow at least 7 seconds "wait time."  That's not much in the grand scheme of things, but when you are silently staring at a room full of middle schoolers, 7 seconds can feel like an eternity.  The theory behind "wait time" is that it gives all students the opportunity to process the question and formulate a response before the teacher calls on someone.  Inevitably, though, what happened when I really did wait that long is someone would say, "Umm...what was the question?"

Sigh.

It was hard for me to wait, and it still is.  Waiting feels passive, and I want to be doing something.  I want to feel like I'm moving forward.  But sometimes, in education as well as in life, a period of "wait time" is exactly what we need in order to move forward.  There are lessons we learn in our wait time that we just couldn't if we didn't have time to process what is happening.  

For the past couple of years, I have been waiting and waiting to return to France...and now I'm finally here!  :-)  But that doesn't mean the waiting is done.  On the contrary, I have a new set of things to wait for:  waiting for an email to confirm an appointment, waiting to see a friend, waiting for the bus or the Métro, waiting for the day when I might be able to express myself freely in French.  In each "wait time," though, I can be confident that God has something to show me.  And when the time is right, He can and will act swiftly (see Isaiah 46:11, Isaiah 48:3, Habakkuk 2:3,14).  And then...it will be on to the next wait time.

Waiting at the bus stop...

#18. Incompetence is Ok.

Recently, I saw an episode of the TV show Mike and Molly in which Molly experiences a bit of an identity crisis after quitting her teaching job to pursue writing full time.  She even goes back to her old classroom to take a peek at her former students:

However, it becomes clear very quickly that she no longer has a place there.  The show was hilarious, but I truly did identify with Molly's feelings of incompetence and lack of belonging.

This past year has produced in me these same feelings as I left my full time teaching job to follow God's leading to France.  It's been a year of having hard conversations, sending emails until my fingers cramp, visiting unfamiliar places and cursing Google Maps for leading me astray once again, and substitute teaching...which it turns out, is not much like teaching at all.

I realized about halfway through the year that it had been a really long time since I actually felt competent at anything.  Although I certainly never felt like I had it all together as a teacher--I still have a lot to learn--I at least had a certain level of comfort, familiarity, and skill.  And I loved my job!  But more than once this year, I've found myself looking out at a group of students who probably could not care less about me as I've thought in my head, "You don't even know me!  I'm a nice person, and I'm actually pretty smart.  So please, be nice to me!"

This feeling of incompetence is not particularly pleasant, but I think it's actually a good feeling to have.  Because it means I'm no longer able to rely on myself at all; I have to rely on God completely.  And while I'm still not in France, I am getting closer...and then I'll experience a whole new level of incompetence as I navigate a new language, culture, and career.

So I am thankful for the lessons that God has taught me during this year of transition.  I'm not where I was, and I'm not where I'm going to be.  But that's ok, because I'm exactly where God wants me to be right now.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.   

-2 Corinthians 12:9

#17. It's Okay to Feel Overwhelmed.

At my recent cross-cultural training in preparation for ministry in France, I was asked to draw a picture (with my weak hand) that best described who I was at that point in time.  

This is me...

...lost somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, my heart torn between my current home in Missouri and my future home in France. 

I had been looking forward to this training for months.  Even though it will be a few more months before I leave for France, this felt like such a big step in getting me closer to that other side of the ocean.  

And it was:  both in terms of the physical requirements for me to go, and—even more importantly—in preparing my heart and mind for the move.  God has already done a lot of work in me over the past few years, but during training we were asked to dig down deep…really deep.  At times it felt like every layer of myself was being peeled off and stripped away, until I was left with just the core of who I am, exposed for everyone to see.  It was painful and yet freeing at the same time…plus we were all in it together.

I’ve never been great at articulating my feelings; it takes ages for me to process what is happening inside me and to put it in words that make any kind of sense.  And throughout this whole process, I’ve had so many different feelings that it’s been almost impossible for me to make sense of them all.  My logical side wants to take each thought and emotion and put it neatly inside the appropriate “box,” but I can’t, because there are too many things happening all at once.

So some of the greatest gifts God gave me during this program were visual, tangible metaphors that I can use to describe what is happening inside me…both for myself and for others.

I can have a “yay duck” that says, “I can’t wait to get to France!” and at the same time have a “yuck duck” that says, “I’m scared to leave my family and friends behind.”  

I can feel pulled in eight different directions at the same time by my expectations vs. reality, others’ expectations of me, and my own desires.

When I’m struggling to understand or be understood in a culture that is not where I grew up, I can remember that I need to “move my chair,” and that “different isn’t necessarily wrong; wrong is wrong.”

When I keep thinking of the word “chair” instead of “chaise,” I can remember that I need to “strangle my yellow balloon.”

When I think it’s too hard to change, I can remember Paul, who became all things to all men so that he might save some.

And when I feel totally overwhelmed, I can cry, “Father, help!” and know that He hears me.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  

-Hebrews 4:15-16