Recently, I saw an episode of the TV show Mike and Molly in which Molly experiences a bit of an identity crisis after quitting her teaching job to pursue writing full time. She even goes back to her old classroom to take a peek at her former students:
This past year has produced in me these same feelings as I left my full time teaching job to follow God's leading to France. It's been a year of having hard conversations, sending emails until my fingers cramp, visiting unfamiliar places and cursing Google Maps for leading me astray once again, and substitute teaching...which it turns out, is not much like teaching at all.
I realized about halfway through the year that it had been a really long time since I actually felt competent at anything. Although I certainly never felt like I had it all together as a teacher--I still have a lot to learn--I at least had a certain level of comfort, familiarity, and skill. And I loved my job! But more than once this year, I've found myself looking out at a group of students who probably could not care less about me as I've thought in my head, "You don't even know me! I'm a nice person, and I'm actually pretty smart. So please, be nice to me!"
This feeling of incompetence is not particularly pleasant, but I think it's actually a good feeling to have. Because it means I'm no longer able to rely on myself at all; I have to rely on God completely. And while I'm still not in France, I am getting closer...and then I'll experience a whole new level of incompetence as I navigate a new language, culture, and career.
So I am thankful for the lessons that God has taught me during this year of transition. I'm not where I was, and I'm not where I'm going to be. But that's ok, because I'm exactly where God wants me to be right now.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
-2 Corinthians 12:9
